I’m still here, I’m alive, and I’m loving every minute of it
so far. I have so many updates I
don’t know where to begin. I was
hoping to post this blog two weeks ago but it seems like I don’t have time for
anything other than cleaning and school work. It’s easy to say that I’m never bored here; there is always
something to do/something to clean.
I feel guilty if I’m not studying or making lesson plans or
cleaning. Before coming here I
wouldn’t have felt guilty for relaxing or just hanging out. It’s so different here. I watch the girls at the school do
their chores three-four times a day, every single day. They are always so busy cleaning or
scrubbing something that I feel like I should be doing that at home. I like to think that I’m learning more
than just Spanish from the girls – seeing how much they clean makes me clean
more. Before here I wouldn’t have
swept my bedroom floor multiple times during the week, or iron my clothes, or
clean bathrooms, or take care of the garden, etc… At home I usually clean my
room, do my laundry, and help out if needed. I’ve always relied on my mom to do the rest of the
cleaning. It’s definitely
different now that I’m living on my own, especially in this country where all I
see are people cleaning and in a few hours cleaning the same things over again.
I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I’ve been here
– sometimes it feels like I’ve always been here because I’m so comfortable with
the girls and the school community.
It’s easy to say that my favorite part of Honduras is being at the
school with all the girls and the sisters. It’s difficult to put into words the feeling I have while
I’m at the school because words can’t express something so amazing and
wonderful. It’s a constant
happiness with the girls. I’ve had
times where I’ve been stressed with my classes and angry because I didn’t
understand the material, but overall the feeling of happiness never leaves. There are smiling faces all over the
school from day until night. There
have been mornings where I’ve gotten to the school at 6 to finish work and I’m
still half asleep and dreading the start of the day, but as soon as I enter the
school there are usually 6-7 girls there to welcome me with bright eyes and
smiles. The girls are the first
people I say hello to in the morning and last I say goodnight to – they are the
best start for each morning and the best way to end the night.
Teaching is… difficult, stressful, time consuming. Making lesson plans are very, very time
consuming. Aside from translating
the material into English for me, I need to break everything down into simple
terms, be able to communicate the material easily to the girls, and be prepared
for any possible questions in class.
I try to think of fun, interesting ways to keep their attention but
sometimes Biology and Math don’t beat The
Hunger Games or The Twilight Series. Standing in front of the classroom is
completely different from sitting behind a desk - I’m learning how to pay
attention to each student’s individual needs and learning preferences; their
strengths and weaknesses for subjects; how they learn best; what motivates them
to learn; I’m slowly learning how to handle a class without having to tell
someone to stop talking or behave.
The classes I thought I was teaching kept changing but I finally have a
schedule now. I’m teaching 10th
grade Math, Biology, Biology Lab, and Chemistry; and 11th grade,
Biology, Biology Lab, Philosophy and Math.
So far the hardest class for me to teach is Philosophy. I hated taking Philosophy in high
school and college because I thought the material was boring and I never knew
what to say. I thought I would
hate Philosophy but instead I really enjoy teaching it. I think it’s because I can ask all the
questions now and wait for responses.
The biggest goal I have this year is to make my students think. The school systems here don’t teach
students to think, to question, to explore. Instead, they give a book and a CD for the students memorize
the material, sometimes without understanding it. They know the information on the CD, take the test, and
pass. The CD is so boring and just
reading the textbook isn’t exactly helping them learn. The girls here don’t realize they can
do so much more because no one lets them know that. All they need is a little push in the direction they’re
looking for and support. They were
never taught how to learn, only to memorize which is incredibly frustrating
when in class. They have the
lifestyles of their guardians memorized; if they don’t learn to grow and expand
their minds, there won’t be any future change in their current lifestyles.
My first day of Philosophy I wrote on the board WHAT
is Philosophy? After no answer and
blank stares they finally said they didn’t know anything about the
subject. Once they said that I
wrote WHY
are we learning Philosophy? WHY
are you at CMP? WHY
do you want to learn? I think they
got the hint that it’s all about asking questions. We talked about the questions, but I received very general
answers. When asked: Why are we
learning Philosophy, the responses were because the school makes us; however,
they didn’t understand the importance of learning about the subject. When I asked why the girls were at
CMP/why do they want to learn it was because they need to learn, they hope to
go to the university and eventually work after. I don’t think the girls realize what they can do because of
learning and expanding their minds.
I try to push them to give me more in depth answers, to make them use
different words, to find different reasons for things – it’s difficult to break
through to them. I don’t know if
it’s because they don’t feel comfortable talking in class or they aren’t
confident in their responses or they really don’t know what to say. I try to stress the fact that there
aren’t correct or incorrect answers in Philosophy; it all depends on how you
interpret questions, passages, or quotations and create your own responses,
meanings, and understandings. Class
normally consists of myself and one other student talking the entire time. When a student says something I keep
questioning her and forcing her to think.
I don’t want my students to feel uncomfortable, I want them to expand
their knowledge and look to find new, deeper meanings, I won’t let them look at
what’s directly in front of them.
We’ve talked for two weeks now about the definition of
Philosophy – it’s about thinking, questioning, learning, listening, having the
desire for knowledge and power that leads to success, expanding the mind, and
“thinking outside of the box”.
Most of our discussions were questions and trying to find more
intelligent, deeper explanations responses. I try to push them to ask more difficult questions, not to
question what is right in front of them because then the answers will be
simple. I used myself as an
example and asked what they see when they look at me – white, American, blue
eyes, and brown hair. I tried to
explain that everyone could see that; they only look, they don’t have to talk
to me or know me. We talked about
how they asked me very simple, easy questions about my life and my family. Eventually they realized that they
don’t know me as a person, just basic facts about my life because of the
questions asked. I think they
finally understand that in order to find what they’re looking for, they need to
question and delve deeper into the questions.
Before we even opened our books we had discussed the
definition of Philosophy in our own words, examined it, questioned it, and
understood our own meaning. During
one class I gave each student separate instructions on where to sit or
stand. I didn’t explain anything
to them, just told them what to do.
I saw curious faces and them looking at each other thinking I was
crazy. They stayed there about two
minutes because I couldn’t handle the silence any longer. I asked them if they had learned
nothing during the week, why didn’t they question me? I saw curiosity on each face, but instead of asking or
questioning me they did what they were told to do. I was disappointed because I thought they understood how
important questioning is and this class is all about questioning. I wrote our definition on the board and
then the book definition of Philosophy.
I asked if the definitions were similar at all, everyone said no. They won’t look for anything, instead
they’ll read what is directly in front of them and that’s it. By the end of class the board was full
of different colors and lines and circles helping them realize the two
definitions are exactly the same, the wording is the only difference. One girl said our definition was
prettier and she is exactly correct because it’s our definition - we created it
without reading the book, it’s our own words, our own meanings and our own
interpretations. The definition we
created will be easier to remember because we understand it, it belongs to
us. I have three words written on
the board that have stayed there all week – PENSAR (think) PREGUNTAR (question)
and SONREIR (smile). My students
do not smile in Philosophy. I wish
they would but it’s not a fun subject to sit through when someone is constantly
questioning you. My goal for this
year is to help my students’ think and question, force them to expand their
knowledge. They don’t realize how
powerful their minds could be because no one tells them. Instead they do what they are taught
and don’t move forward from there.
It’s frustrating to watch because I can’t do anything about it, I don’t
have the answers and saying something to them won’t help. They need to realize it and to
understand it on their own and then go from there.
On a different note from Philosophy, everything is going
very well. I love the school and
the community at the school. The secretary is always telling me “tu puede
siempre” meaning that I’ll be able to do this, I need to be patient with my
Spanish, be confident and that it will come with time, poco a poco. I’m definitely learning to be patient
with myself here; it’s not something I’m very good at. Everything here is definitely a
learning experience and so far it has been truly incredible and wonderful. As each week passes I learn to cherish
even more of my time here. This
past weekend we had a Valentine’s Day party with all the professors/tutors at
the school. Two of the sisters
came too, which was great! I’m not
sure what I like more about Honduras, being with the girls or being with the
sisters, it’s always a good time regardless of who I’m with. The sisters are so amazing and loving
and caring. Each sister is very
easy to talk to; they’re humbling and funny, and always make sure that we’re
taking care of ourselves. Each day
I’m asked if I slept well the night before, if I’m getting enough rest, if I’m
being healthy and eating, and taking care of myself on the weekends. They are definitely a huge comfort to
have here and have become a family to me already.
I’m sure you can all tell that I’m loving it here and
enjoying every minute so far. I
never speed up stories either so naturally my blog would be long. My next one won’t be as philosophical,
however if you have any ideas for me regarding Philosophy, please send them my
way!
